Big 12 Humor...LOL...

[nikki32]

Okay...you don't even have to be a fan of the Big 12 to laugh at this. Just like the Barking Carnival for the University of Texas there is a blog for Kansas State called Bring On the Cats. This one guy on there writes Big 12 fan fiction called the Adventures of the Big 12...here is the link to all of them
http://www.bringonthecats.com/section/adventures-of-the-big-12-series

And some gems from it:

This is from Halloween where the conference all goes trick or treating together. The woman is asking what each one of them is...


Woman: Oh, fun fun! Let me guess; you're the bastard child of Zorro and the Hamburglar?

Texas Tech: No, I'm a Red Raider! Can't you tell?

Woman: Well, not really. My next guess was going to be a bandito from a soft core porn movie.

Texas Tech: To be honest, that's where I got the idea...

(A dog barks at the side of the house...)

Woman: What was that?

(Nebraska yells in the distance...)

Nebraska: Godd*mmit! Get back here!

Baylor: Hey! I'm right here you know. Have some respect, jackass!

Nebraska: Sorry, but...can someone help me out over here?

(Texas A&M rides across the yard on a Labrador...)

Texas A&M: I'm riding a yellow pony!

Woman: GET HIM OFF OF MY DOG!!!

Texas A&M: Gidddyup yellow pony!

Nebraska: AAAAHHHHHH!!!

(Texas A&M gets form tackled by Nebraska...)

Oklahoma: Wow, I haven't seen him do that in years...

Woman: Alright, let's hustle up. Who's next?

Iowa State: Me! I'm next!

Woman: Oh, you must be a USC Trojan!

Iowa State: Bitch.

(Iowa State throws down his bag of candy and walks away while a single tear rolls down his cheek...)

Missouri: Hey, who was that guy?

Kansas State: Beasts me. Who (hic) drank my last bottle of Boones?!

Colorado: You did, dude.

Kansas State: Oh yeah...

Woman: Hey, wait, where did my candy go? For that matter, where did my purse go? It was sitting right here by the door?

(The wood at the corner of the porch creeks...)

Missouri: Kansas!

[nikki32]

This is priceless...A Baylor fan's advice to Aggie Fans...

http://blog.kir.com/archives/2008/11/talking_footbal.asp

I wanted to share some thoughts from the hit book "How to Handle Being The Worst Team in the Big XII South". This book, originally authored by fans of Baylor University, with foreword by Oklahoma State, has been a work in progress for 25 something years now.



Now that we have handed that prestigious torch off to your school, and it looks like it will stay that way for quite some time, you and your Aggie friends may want to really get into this material. Here are some highlights:



Chapter 1 - Bring up past records when discussing your program with friends. The best way to do this is to start from the present and go back through the past until you can find where you have more wins than "x" team. Inconsistencies in time frame do not matter - it can be 5 years for one team and 45 for another.



Chapter 3 - Find other parts of your athletic program that you can be proud of and meticulously learn and promote their accomplishments, no matter how embarrassing the sport. Baylor has done this recently with women's basketball, tennis, and most notably, track and field (Olympic gold medalist anyone?). Rumor has it that your men's club lacrosse team is pretty awesome. Just throwing that out there.



Chapter 5 - Find a couple of solid scapegoats and complain tirelessly about them. Your fan base has already advanced far in this area, with "Shermione" and "$Bill" taking the brunt of this effective relaxation technique.



Chapter 10 - Pick a team to hate and root for their failure. For Baylor fans this has been you, and look how well it's worked! It's like The Secret - the power of positive thinking. It's very refreshing to change the channel from a frustrating loss and watch your sworn enemy fail. You may have to really dig deep here - you want a team that is average to pretty bad. You losing and them winning is a double whammy, so don't set your sites too high (UT/Tech). Arkansas is a good start, they're down this year.



Chapter 11 (THIS IS A BIG ONE) - Focus on moral victories. This chapter has a lot of content, so really pay attention to it. Within the umbrella of the moral victories chapter you'll find subsections such as: a) Don't pin your hopes on winning the game, pin your hopes on covering the spread. The spread is key, and beating the spread will bring you years and years of joy. b) Get excited about first downs. These may be harder to come by than you think, so really cherish them. c) Find remote stats that can highlight your improvement. Really dig into improvement. This should be a buzzword to use in the coming years.


Chapter 12 - Talk about the other redeeming qualities of your school. This is tricky, because it's actually really dorky to engage in academic smack talk, but, if done correctly, it can deflect the focus of a conversation away from your school's crappy football program and onto other areas where the playing field is more level. Now, I'm tailor making this to A&M a little here, but I would recommend you focus on your strong engineering and business school reputation, and don't forget to bring up your various traditions! People never get tired of hearing about this.



Chapter 14** - Find another school to support on the side. This chapter is very controversial and was only added in later editions. I myself never went down this road, but several of my friends found a great deal of relaxation and comfort in finding a side school. While immediate family connections are the best (father graduated from Penn State or mom and dad met at Florida), it is also valid to dig deep into your family's history to find that great aunt that went to Alabama or that second cousin who got a masters at USC. The further away the school, the better. Claim that you have been watching them for years, especially as a little kid growing up. This helps ward off eye rolls and front-runner accusations from your friends. **Note: though highly successful, this chapter can be very dangerous, and is probably the only method that will incur hatred from fellow alumni and students. Use Chapter 14 at your own risk. Advanced students only. I'd say you'll be there en mass around 2013, although seeing how your fan base is bailing after 3 losing seasons out of the past 24, you may be there as early as 2010. Talk about advanced students!



That's it folks. I'll send you a copy for free - we're so excited to share this with a team not named Baylor. And you may read this and think: "Wow, Baylor is pathetic. This is really sad stuff." No, no! This is you! This WAS Baylor and now IS your school! I'm talking about what you and your fan base will be and have already started saying and doing.



I want to leave you with this. This can be your chance to practice, right now. Skim some of the material above, and go ahead and start using it on me. I would say the record route is the obvious way to go, but don't be afraid to be creative. Angry phrases like "F off" and total dismissal of my thread also work. Have fun, and I'll critique some of your responses as we go . . .

[gnarl]

bwahaha great stuff!

but everybody knows the biggest joke about the big 12 is the defense :)